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I’m Not Divorced, I’m ReSingle.
The D-Word. DIVORCE.
This word fuels an immediate physical and emotional response for me. A powerful insecurity that came along with hearing myself say, “I’m getting a divorce” because I already knew what I was going to hear in response from my family, my friends, the checkout girl at Costco …“I’m SORRY.”
In my mind, I see gleeful kids saying “YAY, Two Christmases!!!” (gotta love Talladega Nights) and the revelation that there’s joy and light somewhere in this scenario, but usually it’s a simple “Oh, I’m sorry to hear.”
And then it’s official: you’ve been labeled. Divorced. A Divorcee. The Divorced Mom. The Divorced Girl on the Block.
But the truth is, we have no way to judge if this experience is worthy of an apology. Yes, it can be a really crappy experience (sometimes dragging on and on and on…) and by no means do I diminish the pain, grief, frustration, financial drain, emotional healing and inner gremlins that it causes. And with kids involved, divorce takes its toll and is a life changing event for everyone involved and yeah, the process sucks. Emphasis on the PROCESS.
Now, consider this. Just try it on. What if we looked at divorce thru a different lens? Stay with me. What if we acknowledge that divorce, as a process, is one that requires mental fortitude, expert resources, tremendous patience and tolerance, and a massive support system (and perhaps a few extra glasses of wine). True and true.
And, what if we decided to keep it there? As a process. Not attached to us as a human being, as our identity. Rather, as an experience that we go thru but do not define ourselves by as BEING.
The truth is that the word DIVORCE is a huge label.
I mean, the biggest one Avery could make and in my experience, it felt stuck to my forehead when I went out in public, met someone new, filled out paperwork at the doctor, you name it. I had to DEFINE myself and my marital status with the big D-word and it felt dirty and wrong. Boom, the core issue is right there in my face. WRONG? So full of judgement for myself (and others in my situation) that what I was experiencing in the divorce process was truly defining my negative self-image. And beyond that, it was shaping how I moved through the world as a woman, mom, daughter, friend, leader. How do you think that was working for me? Not so well. And perhaps you can relate.
In fact, if you dig deeper and look at some of the biblical references to the word…it literally means: “to cut off, sever, as if dead.” Huh, no wonder I felt dead inside when I said it!
As a Relationship Coach, I work with women that have been there, gone through divorce and feel labeled as well. We work together to remove judgment from everyday life and especially from ourselves. That’s where is all starts. The word WRONG implies we did something without conscious choice and that the implications were out of our control. Hmmmm….
How would your life change if you were your own biggest fan and truly believed in yourself?
Now, consider trying THIS one on for size. I’m just going to put it right here.
RE, as in single AGAIN!
As in RE-FRESH
As in RE-IGNITE
As in RE-PURPOSE
As in RE-INVENT
There’s so much energy and power in the word I want to scream it to the world, HEY EVERYONE, I’m not divorced….(dead)…I’m RESINGLE and proud of it! (insert dramatic music, spinning around with arms raised and kids smiling as they dance around you). Ok, maybe that’s just my vision but ultimately this created a transformational SHIFT in energy for me. From a place of judgment and allowing my inner critic to dictate the old rules, to bravely embracing a new rule about how I wanted to BE, not label myself as, in the new world I was entering after the process of divorce was over and done.
Attraction isn’t about the other person, it’s about you.
Believing something positive and empowering about who you are and shining the light on THAT can be more powerful than your favorite date night jeans or your best booty-hugging yoga pants. No judgment here. However you wanna roll right now in the relationship world, just be sure to roll strong.
Try it out.
Drop it on your best friend tomorrow and see what she thinks.
Cross out the d-word on your next doctor’s appointment paperwork asking for your marital status and write in: RESINGLE.
Say it in the mirror like you’re going out tonight and some cute guy asks if you’re with someone…
”Actually, no, I’m RESINGLE now!”
Yeah girl, you are! Cue Beyonce: All the RESINGLE Ladies! Now put your hands up, Oh oh oh….
Drop me a note, comment or email to tell me your thoughts on being RESINGLE!
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