Find the Love You Deserve
BY LEARNING HOW TO WIN THE DATING GAME
Naked And Afraid
OK ladies, so I’m not talking about the hit Discovery Channel television show, although I could probably binge watch that until I fall asleep in my evening glass of Chardonnay.
I’m talking about that moment when you’re with someone and it’s getting heated and you realize…it’s TIME.
And then it dawns on you…oh, wait…this means I have to take my clothes off? In front of someone else?!
I haven’t done that in….ummmm….well, since Titanic was first released on the big screen and Leonardo showed everyone how to draw a woman in pencil wearing only a necklace while making them feel completely at ease. Totally you, right?
Maybe it’s been years (or perhaps weeks) since this moment has presented itself for you and we all know it’s not always as smooth and graceful as we see on Netflix. Based on my experience, the term graceful is usually replaced with awkward and clumsy.
Now my hopes for all of you ladies is that you have a smooth and romantic encounter that ignites fireworks and heart pounding memories to catapult your relationship to the next level. Or at least give fodder to the fire that’s starting to burn and then give you a great story for Book Club night next weekend. (Because we all know Book Club is for talking about sex and drinking wine with our books on our laps.)
My personal research in the subject began when I was a resingle woman after spending close to 18 years with one person and then not realizing how truly afraid I was to be naked with someone new.
And based on my very scientific findings of these events, I discovered two typical scenarios of how the romantic encounter would unfold:
Totally unexpected and now you’re terrified wondering if you have the good underpants on or the less-than-attractive “I need to do laundry day” pair. You have no idea really since you barely remember grabbing them from the laundry pile while slurping coffee, getting the kids ready and running out the door at 7a.
You totally planned for this with the best new pair of “unmentionables” you bought at VS (on sale of course) and now you’re completely overthinking it. Are they sexy enough, are they too sexy, will he notice them or will he think I totally planned this and then think I’m not spontaneous or now expect me to always wear fancy pants like these? Yep, total brain spiral.
OK, so let’s pause for a moment.
What is one of THE absolute sexiest things a woman can possess? (Hint: it’s not a pair of Hanky Panky’s.)
VULNERABILITY (This goes for men too!)
Realizing that you’re literally shedding down to the bare skin and probably have some fears about it is TOTALLY normal, TOTALLY ok to say and TOTALLY a good thing (in more ways than one). If you weren’t afraid or even a bit nervous, perhaps you’re not connecting with this person and perhaps not ready for the leap into intimacy (yet).
Let’s play Truth AND Dare:
There’s no right or wrong time to move into intimacy with someone. Yes, I said that and I mean it.
It’s completely personal and totally up to you whether you think it’s right for you. You’re the judge keeping in mind that you’ve spent the time to get to that place now with CONSCIOUS decision making.
Meaning, are you truly ready to share this moment with someone (no matter how long it is…giggle giggle) or are you just using it as a way to avoid real connection and understanding of what you want?
Here’s the opportunity for you to reflect and think about your choice and be AWARE of how it impacts your next steps in the relationship. Have you done the work on YOU to withstand the outcome from this action?
If it was a great experience, then awesome! High five your naked self and then ask:
How do you want to move forward with this person in a healthy way?
Have you determined your boundaries?
What are your expectations of him and the relationship, and have they changed?
Conversely, if it wasn’t what you wanted, needed, or even enjoyed (brutal honesty here) then consider asking yourself: How are you preparing to handle the conversation with him in a mature way that aligns with your values? How will you avoid continuing to do something that’s really not in alignment for you and perhaps both parties?
So before you get your panties in a twist, let’s just break it down in THREE simple intentions:
Think about it but don’t overthink it.
You’re a grown woman with needs and sex is a real factor in relationships.
Prepare for what you want, not what you don’t want.
Trust your gut and heart. If you’ve listened closely to both of these body parts and they’re saying the same thing, then have confidence to boldly face any fears despite past experiences.
Be true to yourself and set boundaries .
New you, new rules, right? Stick with it and remind yourself that this is all part of the journey. And if you’re not ready for sex again yet (or at least with the current mate), that’s totally ok too! No rush.
You can still practice being naked and afraid by attempting a nice long bubble bath without locking the door and telling your kids that you need some alone time and see how long it takes for them to walk in on you drying off in the most unflattering position.
Works every time for me.
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